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Developing Others: Learning outside
my "Box"
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Developing Tomorrow's Executives Today
Developing Others: Learning
Outside My "Box"
Hiring, retaining and motivating
key talent is a critical issue for many companies, and the problem
is getting worse. How do you stretch smart, capable people who are
either too busy to learn something new or who are stuck in their
own fears and mental models? This story describes the role of a
coach/mentor in such a situation and how one can influence others
to learn outside their perceived limitations. I use the example
of technophobia as being the "box," but the limitation
could be anything that is perceived to be outside an individual's
competence. You can apply these learning principles by being sensitive
to their context.
"Prasad, could you come and help me learn to use my computer?"
I got the call the day after Christmas. The voice was urgent and
I was surprised. "Hi, John," I said. "What happened
and why are you suddenly interested in learning about computers?"
John is a senior executive in a Silicon Valley company and is known
as a brilliant strategist. His contributions in marketing have been
substantial, and he is rumored to be in line to head his company.
I have known John for about five years. Over these years, we have
developed a good relationship. I have coached him off and on for
two years, joking with him and using humor to help him see what
he doesn't see by himself. This confident and smart gentleman has
one area that has become his Achilles' heel: John is technophobic.
He justifies his phobia by saying that he was hired for his marketing
and administration expertise; he doesn't have time to learn to use
technology. John would say, "I have an excellent assistant
who takes care of my voice mail and e-mail. She prioritizes them
for me and helps me to answer them. My time is better spent in looking
at strategic issues!" His assistant is good and so far he has
gotten away with his explanation.
I heard that about a month
earlier he had been ridiculed for making traditional presentations
using overheads and for not taking the time to create high-quality
multimedia presentations. Colleagues who were jealous of him commented:
"How could he market technology when he himself is not able
to use it well?" I felt that John had become aware of these
comments and had gotten bugged by them. Perhaps he had decided to
do something about it.
We all have our own "phobias," so to speak. For some,
it is learning new technology and for others it is taking on a new
role in a different department, while for others it might be taking
risks. These phobias take away one's ability to act, react or respond
confidently. In this case, I wondered whether John was really afraid
of technology or just unaware of its potential to transform his
effectiveness. He is smart and could easily learn whatever he wanted
to if he put his mind to it.
Many of us go through life wearing blinders and ear muffs, not seeing
and hearing what we don't want to see or hear. In other words, we
live inside a box and walk around with colored glasses making judgments
about what we see. We get conditioned to live inside that box and
unconsciously develop mental models and listen to old mental tapes
again and again that justify these mental models. We don't pay any
attention to what occurs in the moment because we rarely are aware
of the box we have created. It is like we are on autopilot. Once
in a while we get a shock-a crack in the box-that allows us to examine
our mental models.
John, in this case, was having one such opportunity to examine his
assumptions about technology. He realized that he had been missing
out on a lot and intended to take action that could help him get
outside his box.
How do we create the box around us? Each of us has personal boundaries
based on our earlier conditioning and what we believe about ourselves.
Each of us has critical interactions with others, and such interactions
shape our impressions of the other person. Depending on those impressions,
we make assumptions about the other person and ourselves. Those
assumptions become filters that mediate further experiences and
we quickly begin to believe that what we are experiencing is "the
truth," and those truths become concepts that, without our
knowledge, we generalize. These filters, concepts and generalizations
are the foundation on which our mental models are slowly formed.
Once we have our own interpretation of the world (as seen through
our mental model filters), we become boxed in. The box shapes our
reality, and anything outside of that reality becomes invisible
to us. Within our box, we are on autopilot because all of the associations
are well-developed and do not require our conscious attention.
What is strange is that while our box is invisible to us, we see
others' boxes quite easily. Instead of using our differences as
opportunities for learning, we use them to pass judgment and point
out to others their limitations.
***
I caught myself drifting off
in my own thoughts and shifted my attention to John. He told me
that his nephew, Tim, had gotten an Apple iMac as a Christmas present.
Why Tim would be so excited puzzled John. "Why would a seven
year old be so excited about a computer? It is not a toy or a Gameboy
he can play with!" he thought. John observed his nephew closely.
Tim hooked up his iMac with minimal help from the adults and had
it up and running in 15 minutes. The young boy was able to play
audio CDs, watch movies, play games and draw pictures to create
custom greeting cards. John was amazed at what Tim could do and
realized that he had been blind to opportunities. Now he was ready
to learn!
John wanted me to go with him and buy a new laptop computer and
a printer. We purchased one that evening and set it up in his house.
He asked me to teach him how to set up and send e-mail, get on the
Internet, and prepare multimedia presentations. He wanted to master
them before the end of the year.
John was impatient. He wanted to know it all-he wanted everything
he did to be perfect the first time he did it. He did not listen
to me when I told him to read the manuals or pick up one thing at
a time. He wanted to learn it all and wanted to do it now. It was
exhausting for me but we kept at it for several days.
One day, after an hour of working on his e-mail memo using Outlook,
he tried to send it and there was some problem. Frustrated, he wanted
help. I suggested he save the files that he had typed before he
opened the help documents, but I don't think he heard me. He tried
to see whether he could get on the Microsoft web site and read the
FAQs (frequently asked questions). Just then, the computer froze
up.
John did not understand why the computer froze or what to do to
get it back up. He moved the mouse and tried to type on the keyboard.
Nothing happened. He was frustrated that he had lost all his unsaved
documents!
This scene repeated itself many times that day. He could not understand
why Explorer, Outlook, Word and PowerPoint could not coexist peacefully
without crashing his computer. John felt that I was not capable
and it was my fault that the computer was crashing.
Do you ever get frustrated like John? Have you ever been outside
your box and had a chance to see your own mental models and how
they limit you? Here, John was applying logic from one field to
the new field he was just learning. Will it make a difference that
you have a 150 IQ when learning how to skate? All your theoretical
knowledge about friction and movement does not help you much while
learning to skate until your body learns how to balance on the skates.
Most of us are unwilling to take the time to practice what we want
to learn, meanwhile we tell ourselves that we are "good in
this but not in that." These unconscious beliefs become self-fulfilling
prophecies unless we let go and become open to new ways of learning
and thinking.
While John was getting frustrated, I was having my own frustrations
as well. I wondered whether I had made a mistake by agreeing to
help him. I learn by exploring and making mistakes, and I assumed
John would learn in the same way. Maybe I didn't really know how
to coach. When we quit that night, both of us were tired.
Once in my bed, I started to
reflect. Within his box, John is calm, collected, witty and intelligent.
He can relate quite well to others who think and feel like him.
Birds of a feather flock together. Right! It was not that he had
a conscious bias against people with different personalities, but
he just didn't know how to relate to them unless there was a strong
need or interest.
John would always look for the solution to any problem inside his
box because that was his entire world. Until he discovered that
he was in a box and he was operating on autopilot, any amount of
reflection (inside the box) would not help him to see what he had
not seen before. He didn't know what he didn't know. When presented
with an opportunity to learn, he got frustrated or surprised. Perhaps
he might ask for help to think outside the box when he learned that
he was in a box.
All of us live in our own boxes and we have our own mental models.
Unless we accept that what we have learned so far is not helpful
in learning something significantly different, we are not going
to make any progress. John had to unlearn his conditioned responses
and, as his coach, I had to do the same. The only way we could do
so was to let go of our mental models, be vulnerable with each other
and be open to not knowing how to do it and risk failing big time.
Not being able to sleep, I continued to reflect. John had to learn
by making his own mistakes and I could not protect him from making
those mistakes. By shielding him from failing, I was hindering his
growth rather than helping him. Even though I noticed that his self-esteem
was low, he needed to work his way through it himself as I have
had to work through my own issues. If only I could think of a way
we
both could learn!
I knew that I had my box around me (though I couldn't quite see
it) and John had his box, which he couldn't see either. I began
to realize that I had not explored and learned new things about
computers myself for a while. So before I could successfully coach
John, I needed to explore, fail and learn something new. In 1850,
William Hazlitt said, "To get others to come into our ways
of thinking, we must go over to theirs; and it is necessary to follow
in order to lead." To help John, I needed to be where he was
and get into the same box. Together, we could appreciate the partnership
and expand the capacity of the box by pushing its boundaries. I
was excited. "Tomorrow,
when I go to John's," I thought, "I should spend time
learning about making animated presentations using Flash, and that
itself might inspire John. Maybe the essence of coaching is inspiration!"
The game plan secure in my mind, I finally fell asleep.
***
The next morning I woke up quite late. At 9:30 my phone rang. John
was wondering why I hadn't shown up yet. He confessed that his self-confidence
was low. He asked me whether he was learning disabled or had something
missing that prevented him from learning how to use a computer.
I was glad that he was still interested in learning how to use the
computer even with all of his self-doubts. "As long as you
are willing to act and are willing to let go of assumptions about
yourself, you will be able to master it," I assured him. His
old instincts were getting in the way.
It was important for him to discover that his instincts would not
serve him well in learning how to use the computer. His instincts
might be well-honed in the field of marketing, but when using the
computer, he had no prior experience to tap into. He might develop
intuitive judgments over time, but he would have to work on the
computer a lot more before it became second nature and his instincts
and intuition were reliable.
John was excited when I reached his house later that morning. He
said he had been reflecting and saw how his expectations of himself
were getting in the way. He had made a conscious choice to let go.
I knew then that we were both ready for a breakthrough.
John made significant progress that morning. Instead of being attached
to producing memos and presentations, as he wanted to do the first
day, he was open to whatever happened and concentrated on learning
what he needed to do. He lost files when the computer crashed on
him again, but it did not perturb him very much. He surrendered
to the process of learning his computer. His self-esteem was no
longer attached to results. Whenever he took a break, I tried to
log onto the Macromedia site and explore Flash examples. I did not
have much experience in using Flash and I often got lost. Together,
we explored Flash demos on web sites from India, Nigeria, Canada
and Austria in addition to sites from all over the United States.
Learning together was like magic!
We were so engaged with the
computer that we forgot to eat lunch. Around 5:00 that evening,
I offered to go pick up a pizza. When I returned, I noticed that
John had written three memos, searched and downloaded several articles
from the Internet, and was preparing a presentation using animated
buttons in PowerPoint. He did not notice my return, so I sat next
to him silently and watched. I realized that John was in a "zone."
I was delighted to see that he was using clip art, an outlining
feature, and a timing feature to choose when a particular slide
showed up as well as many advanced features to prepare for the next
presentation that he needed to make for his board. He prepared 12
slides and he set them up for presentation on the screen. I could
not contain my joy and excitedly shouted at him to look at what
he had accomplished, breaking his concentration.
For a moment, John took in what he had done, and then he beamed.
Of course, you know what happened next. His computer crashed and
all the work he had done was lost again! I thought John would be
crestfallen, but instead he was ecstatic. He didn't care about the
presentation or letters. He had already gone through the eye of
the needle and was on the other side. He told me that
he was going to connect his computer directly to the screen to make
his presentations from now on. John was thinking of what was possible
now that he understood how technology tools could augment his native
intelligence. His fears were all gone.
He did not need me anymore. He was inspired. After showing me how
adept he was in using PowerPoint animation tools and navigating
on the Internet, he thanked me profusely for sticking with him through
the experience. He laughed at himself for thinking that he was stupid
and could never learn to use the computer. I thanked him because
I had learned a lot myself. Through this experience I had learned
that even though I had had my computer for a long time, I had been
too lazy to learn how to create Flash animations. I also had my
own fears. In working with John, I learned how to learn and that
the essence of motivating others was through role modeling. In the
cycle of learning, John and I were at exactly the same point. Our
paths might seem different, but we were both on a learning path.
Inspiration is infectious.
John did not answer his phone for the next few days. I could not
even reach his answering machine because he was on-line most of
the time during the rest of Christmas vacation. In January, I heard
that he blew his board away with a great presentation and got them
turned on about using computers themselves.
The last time I heard about John and his computer explorations,
he was spending many of his weekends teaching his directors how
to take advantage of their new technology!
Acknowledgments: Prasad is grateful to Debu Ghosh, Rambabu Kaipa,
Anne Levine, Mike Miley, Prof. Murti, Chris Newham, Satya Sreenivas,
John Tupper and Russ Volckmann for their critical reading and comments
on this article and David Hicks for his editorial assistance.
About the Author
Prasad Kaipa is the CEO of SelfCorp
and the founder of the Mithya Institute for Learning. SelfCorp is
a web-based executive development company that is developing software
tools to help companies retain and motivate key talent in organizations
and to map the "genetic code" of organizations (in order
to help in partnerships, mergers and acquisitions). The Mithya Institute
researches and consults with executives and organizations on executive
education, strategic thinking and unlearning.
Do you see yourself in this story? What are your mental models?
How do you get stuck and where? When was the last time you broke
out of your box? How did you do it? How do you apply this story
to others in your life? How can you help others to break out of
their boxes? Write down your reflections and get to work!
Here are two ways to get the
most out of this story.
1. Read it as if you are the executive that I write about in this
story. Instead of learning how to use computers, substitute the
issue that you are wrestling with. Pay attention to any insights
you might gain. Reflect at the end of your reading to see what actions
you can take to make your insights help you. Read the story as often
as you need to fine-tune your own learning.
2. Read the story and see whether there is any relevance to your
life and your issues. Pick one issue that you have a strong intention
to work on. It could be an aspiration that you wish to fulfill,
or a fear that you want to go beyond, or a skill that you want to
develop. Identify reasons why you have not been able to take action
in that direction so far or, if you have taken action, identify
what barriers you encountered on the way. Reflect on what outside
barriers (for example, money, other people, distance, time) are
in your way and how to address them. Then reflect on your own attitudes
and mental models that might be getting in the way of fulfilling
your intention. Ask yourself whether you are willing to let go of
your internal barriers. If the answer is no, the intention is not
strong enough to go beyond your fears. If you do find that you are
willing to let go of your own mental models and fears, then create
a support system (like a coach) to help you on your path.
Once you are on your path, you will find that you have to go through
the same steps many times -noticing your present conditioning, clarifying
your intention, unlearning and letting go of old models and ideas,
being open to what is present, manifesting and implementing what
you gained as insight when you were open, and coaching others so
that you can gain more clarity on the learning process yourself.
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